I was reading in MacNutt's Deliverance from Evil Spirits this morning while I was waiting for my laptop to boot up and all the programs that automatically start to finish starting.  He mentioned AA and one of the things that AA understands.

MacNutt Chapter 14, pages 197 & 198: We must become disciplined and take action for what we are responsible for. But in part we are helpless and need to turn to God for healing or deliverance. Alcoholics Anonymous has understood that message: You cannot stop drinking on your own.  If you are an alcoholic you must admit you cannot quit drinking simply by your own willpower; you need to turn to a power higher than yourself.

And while I can not and would not contend that my own addictions or demons that I deal with are of the severity of being an alcoholic, I think we all have our own alcohols that we wrestle with.  We all have our own place in our lives where we are weak and need the grace of God to be our strength. 

For me that weak spot is Online Gaming and the community I have become a part of.  Now don't get confused, this is not gambling this is being part of and play MMOs (Massively Multiplayer Online) games.  I have a long and strong presence in the MMO community, especially Eve Online and to a lesser degree now Fallen Earth.  Now there is nothing wrong with these games in themselves, but for me they are a thing that draws my almost unmitigated attention.  Why?  Because there is a very real and personal connection with a group of players that I have been playing with for almost 2 years now. 

A month ago, God put it on me that I needed to break that connection to Eve Online, so after almost 3 years in that game, I canceled my accounts and haven't been back.  But a week later I am drawn back into online gaming with Fallen Earth with the lie to myself that I can limit myself to 1 night a week and it will be ok.  But, that's a lie.  You see, that attention draw of playing and having fun with that group of people in this stage of my walk is feeding the personal demon of Escapism that afflicts me.  That demon has many entrances into my life and just as canceling Eve Online was closing off that door for affliction, so was starting FE opening that door for me personally. I've now canceled that account as well.

There are some other doors that I need to close as well.  I love reading, I love it with a passion.  When I read the books come alive and they are filled with life, images reality.  They are not just words on a page telling a story, they are a movie, a play that is constructed in 3d reality within my head.  In honesty a book is more desirable to me than a movie or tv could ever be.  However, reading the novels I read (Science Fiction/Fantasy/etc..) is feeding that escapism.  I do not generally find anything wrong spiritually with most Science Fiction, and honestly I approach all fiction books with the knowledge that it is fiction regardless of the belief of the author. However for me, this is escapism, escaping the world and troubles of the world and ultimately at this time in my life and walk, escaping God whom I dearly desire now. 

So, I've made a decision that I am going to sell the majority of my fiction collection.  I don't have the freedom to sell all of it as some of it is not mine to sell.  However, I must renounce escapism and not allow it to rear its head and dominate my life.  It may be a mild domination and pleasurable for me, but it is not the domination of Jesus.  So, if your reading this, pray for me in this.  It is hard to give up what brings you pleasure, even if it is for the sake of a greater pleasure.

One thing I can thank God for is that my mind is voracious for the written word and I find myself voracious for the written word of God as well.  Once it came alive to me, it is easy to read, to pick up and continue reading and it is filled with a freshness that you can not find elsewhere.

Praise God.